TOP TEN REJECTED SPACE SHUTTLE MISSIONS

Top Ten Rejected Space Shuttle Missions

10. Voyage to the center of the Earth.

9. Replace the fine fuel normally burned with dilithium crystals. See if anyone notices.

8. Rendevouz and docking with Britney Spears.

7. Jam paper clip into telecommunications satellite so Houston can get free Pay Per View.

6. Test the effects of zero gravity on a beer keg and a large pepperoni pizza.

5. Reposition Hubble Space Telescope to follow Gary Condit around wherever he goes.

4. Lower suspension, install twin chrome exhaust ports, add bitchin' T-tops. Pull up to Russian Space Station and gun engines then buzz Dairy Queen on Mars.

3. Re-enter Earth's atmosphere using only the gravitational pull of Oprah Winfrey.

2. Rent cargo bay to Philip Morris. Fly a bunch of Space Cowboys to flavor country.

And the number one rejected Space Shuttle mission...

1. Assist Clinton in joining the 25,000 mile high club.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(08/22/01)