Monday, September 27, 2004


Top Ten Rejected Space Shuttle Missions

10. Voyage to the center of the Earth.

9. Replace the fine fuel normally burned with dilithium crystals. See if anyone notices.

8. Rendevouz and docking with Britney Spears.

7. Jam paper clip into telecommunications satellite so Houston can get free Pay Per View.

6. Test the effects of zero gravity on a beer keg and a large pepperoni pizza.

5. Reposition Hubble Space Telescope to follow Gary Condit around wherever he goes.

4. Lower suspension, install twin chrome exhaust ports, add bitchin' T-tops. Pull up to Russian Space Station and gun engines then buzz Dairy Queen on Mars.

3. Re-enter Earth's atmosphere using only the gravitational pull of Oprah Winfrey.

2. Rent cargo bay to Philip Morris. Fly a bunch of Space Cowboys to flavor country.

And the number one rejected Space Shuttle mission...

1. Assist Clinton in joining the 25,000 mile high club.

-Jason Rohrblogger


Atomic Bombshell said...

Jason... This stuff is GREAT! Am I the only person who's found your little treasure-trove? I'm jacking your material and posting a link to you. Please be flattered. :)

Atomic Bombshell said...

I've got one for ya - from another guy's blog...

Top Ten Rejected "Additional" Star Wars Scenes

10. Vader reprimands Luke for forgetting Fathers Day.
9. The Rebels on Hoth have their own Christmas Holiday Special.
8. R2D2's underwater ballet number in the Dagobah swamp.
7. Lando introduces Han to his new 'Designer Cape' shop on Cloud City shortly before it's firebombed by 'Lando Killers'.
6. The Emperor is caught putting on anti-wrinkle cream.
5. C3PO is caught with X-rated pictures of femme-bots.
4. Chewbacca is offered a deal to sponsor hair growth products.
3. The Emperor has a private session with an electric fence to get recharged.
2. Leia is tortured by Darth Vader by being made to watch episodes of Barney.
1. Death Star scenes accompanied by 24 hour Top 10 Imperial Muzak hits from loudspeakers.