TOP TEN PROJECTS IN DEVELOPMENT AT LUCASFILM

Top Ten Projects In Development At Lucasfilm

10. SlimPlot - SlimFast for scripts

9. A Shakespearean trained actor who only responds when Frank Oz' hand is up his ass

8. Computer generated audiences

7. Action packed video games based on obscure Chekhov novels

6. An adorable pint-sized tow-headed blonde mop-topped evil villain

5. Luke 'n Leia's "Feel the Force" Kentucky Home Pregnancy Test

3. George Lucas' chiropractic training video: Jedi Spine Tricks

2. An Imperial Battle Cruiser that will find and destroy the Starship Enterprise once and for all

And the number one project in development at Lucasfilm...

1. Replace Al Gore as company acting coach

-Jason Rohrblogger
(06/11/99)

TOP TEN SLOBODAN MILOSEVIC EXCUSES

Top Ten Slobodan Milosevic Excuses

10. Loves the smell of Napalm in the morning

9. Had nothing else to do, thought "what the hell..."

8. Liked Churchill, but REALLY misses Hitler.

7. Thought an endless campaign of terror and destruction would impress the chicks.

6. Still angry over that lousy Yugo he bought back in '89.

5. Thought ethnic cleansing would be less offensive than Jar Jar.

4. As a child, he was bullied on the playground (for capitulating to unilateral demands to cease territory expansion.)

3. Didn't want to have to get permission from the wife to sleep in a different bunker every night.

2. Missed the recent newspaper article about how NATO bombed Iraq back into the Stone Age.

And the number one Slobodan Milosevic excuse...

1. Tired of the Lewinsky scandal, had to do SOMETHING to change the headlines.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(06/29/99)

TOP TEN NATIONAL ENQUIRER HEADLINES IN CHINA

Top Ten National Enquirer Headlines in China

10. Mao Tse Tung Sends Message of Revolution From Beyond Grave - say friends

9. Psychics Are Just Charletans Used By Imperialist Dogs To Control The Population - psychic says

8. The 'Secrets' Stars Turn In Their Neighbors For

7. Secret Police Shocker: Rebellious Teenager Hoards Banned Copies of "The Old Man and the Sea!"

6. Doctors Reveal: How You Steam Your Rice Says Something About You!

5. Residents Complain: Hong Kong Is Just A Decadent Western Den Of Strife! -admits neighbors

4. "Please shoot me," begs student protestor, "I am a criminal!" -witness claims

3. Tienanmen Tragedy! Four Riot Squad Heroes Left Sore From Beating Students!

2. Four pages of unlucky horoscope predictions: Who's going to fall in love and who's going to prison?

And the number one National Enquirer headline in China...

1. Deng Xioping: Perfect leader, or merely the smartest man alive?

-Jason Rohrblogger
(06/10/99)

IN MEMORIUM

Ten Rodney Dangerfield One-Liners

10. "I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, 'There goes the neighborhood!'"

9. "When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my mother."

8. "When I started in show business, I played one club that was so far out, my act was reviewed in Field and Stream."

7. "Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'"

6. "When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up."

5. "I never got girls when I was a kid. One girl told me, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. There was nobody home."

4. "When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me."

3. "When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's."

2. "With my wife, I don't get no respect. The other night there was a knock on the front door. My wife told me to hide in the closet."

1. "With my wife, I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it."

Godspeed on your way to the Great Gig in the Sky...

-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/06/04)

KIKI TAKES ON ROHRBLOGGER

I am no longer anonymous in the blogosphere! Check out Kiki Haro's circus of cool links (including Jason Rohrblogger's Top Ten) and poetry at www.kikiharo.blogspot.com (or just click on the title above). Kiki Haro rocks beyond all bloggers who have ever rocked in the history of blogging!

-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/02/04)

TOP TEN GARY CONDIT EXCUSES

Top Ten Gary Condit Excuses

10. Thought he was having an affair with a BIC Disposable Intern.

9. Had Chandra Levy killed because "...bitch didn't have my money."

8. Just wanted to emulate his two heroes: Clinton and O.J.

7. Somehow got involved in a bizarre sex-for-hostages-for-arms-to-Iran scheme.

6. Always seems to have trouble with the girls pimped by Jesse Helms.

5. Couldn't care less about Chandra Levy, worried National Enquirer will find out about his affairs with Meg Ryan and Nicole Kidman.

4. Was sick of seeing his good name associated with campaign finance reform.

3. Slept with intern to cover up his fetish for flaming hairless French poodles.

2. Hit man missed and assassinated his character, not his wife.

And the number one Gary Condit excuse...

1. Couldn't stand to see that bitch, Clinton, getting all the scandal press.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(08/04/01)