TOP TEN REJECTED BRITNEY SPEARS MARKETING TIE-INS

Top Ten Rejected Britney Spears Marketing Tie-ins

10. BritneyBites® Hickey Concealer

9. McPickle Spears

8. Preginia Slims 100's: When you are smoking for two...
"Bring your uterus to flavor country"
"You've come nine months, baby"

7. Britney Pokémon character: Grantitimon

6. Sign multi-million dollar endorsement deal with German pharmaceutical giant Bayer, change stage name to Britney Cipro, join band Anthrax

5. Star in remake of Disney camel classic, "Humps" (It was either that or "Britney Goes Bananas")

4. "Oops...I Did It Again," late night infomercial for Depends

3. "Two Gentle Mounds of Verona," by Britney Shakespears

2. Brittany's favorite sweet relish: Chutney Spears

And the number one rejected Britney Spears marketing tie-in...

1. GerberMeister: The prenatal brew of champions

-Jason Rohrblogger
(09/20/01)

And the alternates...

Trim Spa
Matching "Twin Towers" bra and "Pentagon Panties" set
Make yer Kessel run in less than five parsecs to the Naboo taboo stylings of Jar Jar Spears
Fundraising duet with Osama bin Laden, "I Shot the Mazar-I-Sharif"

TOP TEN MICHAEL JACKSON PET PEEVES

Top Ten Michael Jackson Pet Peeves

10. Judas juice

9. It takes FOREVER to get a replacement bulb for a tanning bed

8. When the man in the mirror is a woman

7. As you get older, constantly wondering..."Does this dress make me look white?"

6. Elephant men with small trunks

5. Trying to find a moonwalker for his elderly father

4. The way Lisa Marie would insist on doing three encores like her father

3. Popes with better stylists than you

2. Tattle tales

And the number one Michael Jackson pet peeve....

1. Pants

-Jason Rohrblogger
(03/29/05)

And the alternates...

The way you never really know what is happening to your kids at daycare while you are in court
Australian nurses
Twelve-year-old accusers who are clearly older than anyone you would really date
The way Liz Taylor and Marlon Brando used to fight over the last Krispy Kreme at Neverland
Cancer victims who victimize you by claiming to be, uh, victims

TOP TEN SIGNS IT'S EASTER

Top Ten Signs It's Easter

10. Jesus pops out if His tomb. If He sees His own shadow, six more weeks of Holy War

9. Cadbury chickens laying dozens and dozens of Cadbury Eggs

8. "Passion of the Christ" recut to include footage of Jesus returning to clobber Judas in best-two-out-of-three cage match

7. "Passion of the Christ II" covers Jesus' much-anticipated rematch against Apollo Creed

6. Rockinghorse people eat marshmallow peeps with plasticene grass and looking glass pies (Paul McCartney only)

5. Pope celebrates mass with a hearty IV full of jelly beans

4. Children invited to find Monica Lewinsky's eggs on the White House lawn

3. Osama Bin Laden orders three HoneyBaked® goats

2. Bunnies at Neverland make a break for it

And the number one sign it's Easter...

1. God admits He must be crazy to be giving Salvation away at these prices

-Jason Rohrblogger
(03/27/05)

TOP TEN CRUISE LINE ADVERTISING SLOGANS AFTER 9/11

Top Ten Cruise Line Advertising Slogans After 9/11

10. Bomb-free since September 11th. Kathy Lee-free since 1999!

9. Our passengers get to the Dominican Republic.

8. The only recent boat-related disaster was Speed 2.

7. Our metal detector is also a limbo stick.

6. Achille who?

5. Titanic Schmitanic

4. Try having a drunken one-night stand in coach whydoncha!

3. Not even God can sink our ships.

2. Las Vegas-style shows, Toronto-style safety.

And the number one cruise line advertising slogan after 9/11...

1. Come back! Pleeeaaase! We promise! Nothing bad will happen! Realllly! Pleaseeee. Waaahhh-ahhhh-ha-haaaa! Come baaaaaaaaack!

Jason Rohrblogger
(10/02/01)

TOP TEN GIRLS THAT JASON STILL HAS A CRUSH ON

Top Ten Girls That Jason Still Has a Crush On

10. Roseanne

9. RuPaul

8. Chelsea Clinton

7. Lassie

6. Tammy Faye Bakker

5. Aunt Elduh

4. Kathie Lee Gifford

3. Imelda Marcos

2. Ruth Buzzi

And the number one girl that Jason still has a crush on...

1. Richard Simmons

-Jason Rohrblogger
(02/08/05)

TOP TEN PRODUCTS IN DEVELOPMENT AT BIC

Top Ten Products in Development at BIC

10. Disposable Spouse

9. SofGel beer capsules

8. Childproof Parents

7. Wind Resistant Underwear

6. Ink-based whipped topping

5. Sub-zero arctic styling mousse

4. SureGrip Vaseline

3. Incendiary shower gel

2. High-fiber substitute crack

And the number one product in development at BIC...

1. Individually wrapped, travel size liver and onions

-Jason Rohrblogger
(02/15/02)

TOP TEN PRODUCTS IN DEVELOPMENT AT THE HILTON

Top Ten Products in Development at the Hilton

10. Coin operated mini-bar

9. A maid that can also change your oil

8. A trap door in the lobby floor that leads to the sidewalk

7. Sound-proof sheets

6. A conventioneer with 1/3 less fat

5. A portable dance floor that converts the funky chicken to electricity

4. Pillow-on-a-chain

3. Condom dispensing beer

2. A taco bell staff

And the number one product in development at the Hilton...

1. Self-cleaning drawers

-Jason Rohrblogger
(06/22/01)

BAND-O-MATIC

Now you can easily name your band by picking a word from column
A, a word from column B and a word from column C. Click here to begin...

-A-	-B-	-C-
Magnolia	Thunder	Fingar
Blue	Baked	Jillato
Summer	Blow	Munkey
Generic	Porno	Guñn
Ugly	Throttle	Maiz
Deluxe	Danger	Waiph
Foreign	Lust	Daggar
Deep	Sharp	Voyd
Macro	Carotid	Kàrávân
High	Willing	Kingdamn
Sick	Voltage	Twïnz
Under	Rubber	Acröbat
Alpine	Wonder	Studebæker
Angry	Senate	Sçhow
Arbitrary	Dirt	Myrrhchant
Screaming	Cream	Fungis
Industrial	Paper	Peepol
Divided	Elvin	Barbeez
Wrecked	Life	Lampe

-Jason Rohrblogger

(02/24/05)

TOP TEN REJECTED SEQUELS ON THE WB NETWORK

Top Ten Rejected Sequels On The WB Network

10. Mister Sister

9. Dawson's Crack

8. Touched By an Anvil

7. Survivor: Compton

6. Praywatch: Amish Surf Rescue

5. Todd Bridges of Madison County Lockdown

4. Boston Public Restroom

3. South Central Squares

2. Roots II: Kinte's Revenge

And the number one rejected sequel on the WB network...

1. When Islamic Fundamentalists Attack

-Jason Rohrblogger
(01/03/02)

And the alternate...

Desperate Houseplants