Top Ten Rejected Special Forces Gear
10. Infrared time-delay tactical exploding cigar
9. Glass Bottom Attack Boat, Fast
8. Fragmentation banana
7. Belt-fed supressed Swedish HK-5 spit wad launcher
6. Nerf mine
5. Fully automatic muzzle loader
4. Stealth eyelash curler
3. Sub-sonic whistle
2. Night vision underwear
And the number one rejected special forces gear...
1. Titanium alloy, bullet proof parachute
-Jason Rohrblogger
(11/06/98)
Top Ten Angelina Jolie Turn-ons
10. Sally Struthers
9. Oceans 11-13
8. Vial full of lover's blood, tic tacs
7. Her brother
6. Adopting husbands
5. Pediafrica
4. Masa
3. La Brea Brad Pits
2. Collagen
And the number one Angelina Jolie turn-on...
1. Vince Vaughan
-Jason Rohrblogger
(09/15/06)
Note: Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Click here
for more info.
Top Ten Movies to Watch on International Talk Like a Pirate Day
10. Avast Times at ARRRidgemont High
9. Forrest Stump
8. KramARRR Vs. KramARRR
7. Throw Mamma from the Plank
6. Peg Leg Sue Got Married
5. Aye, Robot
4. Sleeping Booty
3. Kiss Me, Mate
2. When Harry Met Galley
And Jason Rohrblogger's number one movie to watch on Talk Like a Pirate Day...
1. Anything rated ARRR!
-Jason Rohrblogger
(09/19/05)
And the alternates...
Pirates of the CARRRibean
ARRR We There Yet?
Earth Girls ARRR Easy
Car 54 Where ARRR You?
Top Ten Projects In Development At Boeing
10. A Cuban missile not in crisis
9. Bundt cake capable of baking up moist and chewy at 7.5 G's
8. A tactical surface-to-surface ballistic warhead that also doubles as a bottle opener, corkscrew, and fish scaler
7. Hatchback submarine
6. A robot that will withstand mowing the lawn, drinking beer, and watching TV; freeing you up to work on Saturday
5. A special camera that "sees" through Jell-O
4. World's largest jet: The Boeing 7777. Includes a passenger lounge, in-flight outdoor smoking area, and a full-size Disneyland* theme park
3. Top secret, indetectable breast implants, that do not alter or increase the size of the breasts, but can track and destroy enemy satellites
2. A more sophisticated, cross-shaped, "Phillips" warhead
And the number one project in development at Boeing...
1. The Cruise Tomahawk Patriot Sidewinder Laser Guided Heat Seeking Stealth Chihuahua
-Jason Rohrblogger
(09/07/98)
(*Separate admission)
My former roommate, Ken, posted an inside-joke-filled list on his little piece of the web, Tales Wagging the Blog. Thanks for the love, Ken. Herewith are my...
Top Ten Ken-isms
10. Chee
9. Momsy gave me the hairy eyeball
8. #@$%&*(! (Always while seated at the Macintosh)
7. Would you look at that HD picture?
6. It's an etagére
5. We're going to have to bite the bullet and...
4. Are you faxing?
3. I'm taping Joey (in concert, behind the scenes, in prison...)
2. Jeremy came through. Again.
And the number one Ken-ism...
1. Bitch owes me a blowjob
-Jason Rohrblogger
(09/15/06)
Top Ten Items On Jesus' "Things To Do" List After He Returns
10. Use the internet to find the current whereabouts of Judas
9. Try a Remington Electric Razor. If He likes it, buy the company
8. Sneak behind counter at McDonald's; have friend place gag order of fishes and loaves
7. Stretch out, properly warm-up, then kick some Lucifer butt
6. Goodbye sandals, hello Reeboks!
5. Appear on Dr. Phil, heal the guests
4. Pop in a tape of "Titanic" so He'll have something to watch for Eternity
3. Ride into New York City on donkey...apply for cab driver's license
2 . Start a band
And the number one item on Jesus' "things to do" list after He returns...
1. Get a haircut and get a real job
-Jason Rohrblogger
(09/10/98)
Top Ten Items on Jesus' "Things To Do" List Before He Returns
10. Pick up shroud at Turin dry cleaners
9. Perfect new miracle: turning water into Diet Snapple
8. Shoot 35mm preview of return announcing, "this time, it's personal"
7. Direct-mail campaign to those set for Pre-Tribulation rapture: rapture bus will arrive mid-to-post Trib
6. Two words: Holy Spice
5. Rent a tux, buy a corsage, wash the Camaro
4. Three-day, five-state book signing junket
3. Stick head out of tomb, if no shadow, three more millenniums of winter
2. Cancel paper, kennel the dog, set timer for the lights
And the number one item on Jesus' "things to do" list before He returns...
1. Pay a little visit to Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart, and Jerry Falwell
-Jason Rohrblogger
(09/10/98)
Top Ten Rejected Wrigley's Gum Flavors
10. Tabasco 'n' Raisin
9. 40 Weight! With 100% Recycled Motor Oil Liquid Center
8. Gumshoe
7. Asbestos Fruitastic
6. Bus Station Barnacle Ballyhoo
5. Middleast Medley: It's a Jihad in Your Mouth!
4. Dr. Hawkenstein's Chewmucous Explosion
3. Broken Beer Bottle Crunch Surprise
2. Punishmint (Curiously Strong)
And the number one rejected Wrigley's gum flavor...
1. JonBenetBerry
-Jason Rohrblogger
(08/19/98)
Back in 1998 I made a few predictions. Let's see how I did...
Jason's Top Ten Psychic Predictions for the New Millennium
10. Prices at all 99¢ Stores skyrocket to $1.01
9. Out-of-control new fad: tattoo removal and sensible earrings
8. CIA declassifies documents proving Castro started Cuban revolution to impress chicks
7. All the computers crash because of the year change--Bill Gates replaces Jesse as MTV Veejay
6. Two words: President Quayle
5. Elton John weeps as Prince William abdicates throne to spend more time with his "good friends" Siegfried and Roy
4. Taco Bell Chihuahua kicks the drugs, booze, and women; teams up with Spuds McKenzie for TV ministry
3. Turns out Nostradamus was right: Judd Nelson is the Antichrist
2. Global power shift from white male elite to obscure form of sea fungus
And Jason's number one psychic prediction for the new millennium...
1. People STILL party like its 1999!
-Jason Rohrblogger
(09/05/98)
