Tuesday, November 28, 2006

THE MOST LIST

The Most List

Today's list was ripped off word-for-word from the December 2006 issue of Hollywood Life Magazine. Enjoy!

MOST ETERNALLY SEXY: Brad Pitt
MOST CAST: Scarlett Johansson
MOST LIKELY TO CALL IN "SICK": Lindsay Lohan
MOST IMPRESSIVE DOWNSIZING: Janet Jackson
MOST EXTREME DOWNSIZING: Kate Bosworth
MOST OBVIOUS NIP/TUCKING: Ashlee Simson
MOST DRAMA DURING FILMING: Miami Vice
MOST DRAMA BEFORE FILMING HAS EVEN BEGUN: Dallas
MOST INDEFATIGABLE: Eva Longoria
MOST UNLIKELY PAIRING: Heather Locklear and David Spade
MOST UNLIKELY BUT SURPRISINGLY ADORABLE PARING: Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy
MOST WAITING-TO-HAPPEN SEX TAPE LEAK: Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock
MOST IN NEED OF A GOOD DATE: Teri Hatcher
MOST IN NEED OF A DATE WITH SOMEONE HIS OWN AGE: Jared Leto
MOST IN NEED OF FUTURE THERAPY: Suri Cruise
MOST CHARISMATIC NEW ACTOR: Channing Tatum
MOST GAY ON THE COVER OF PEOPLE: Lance Bass
MOST STILL STUNNING AT 72: Sophia Loren
MOST DELICIOUSLY DEVIL-ISH: Meryl Streep
MOST SHAMED: Mel Gibson
MOST OVEREXPOSED ABS: Matthew McConaughey
MOST OBSESSED WITH HER HAIR STYLIST: Jessica Simpson
MOST COMPELLING EVIDENCE THAT MEN ARE DOGS: (Three-way tie) Peter Cook, Jude Law, Richie Sambora
MOST COMPELLING EVIDENCE THAT WOMEN CAN BE DOGS, TOO: Denise Richards
MOST COMFORTABLE IN BLACK AND WHITE: George Clooney
MOST LIKELY TO CONFUSE A BELT AND A BRA: Keira Knightley
MOST LOW-KEY COUPLE: Scarlett Johansson and Josh Hartnett
MOST OUT-OF-CONTROL DIVORCE: Paul and Heather Mills McCartney
MOST LIKELY TO BE MISTAKEN FOR A BOBBLEHEAD: (Tie) Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
MOST WIGGA: Kevin Federline
MOST HAND-DOWN THE BEST SHOW ON TELEVISION: The Wire
MOST UNLIKELY CELEB TO HAVE ENDED UP A MOTHER OF THREE: Sharon Stone
MOST ADORABLE: Abigail Breslin
MOST UNDESERVING NEW IT GIRL: Kristin Cavillari
MOST DESERVING OF A WIDER AUDIENCE: Veronica Mars
MOST HAZARDOUS TO THE HELP: Naomi Campbell
MOST WORKAHOLIC: Beyoncé Knowles
MOST IN NEED OF A HUG: Sheryl Crow
MOST McCOMEBACK: Patrick Dempsey
MOST IRONIC TALENT SHOW JUDGE: David Hasselhoff
MOST DEF: Mos Def
MOST ENDEARING: America Ferrera in Ugly Betty
MOST NOT REALITY: MTV's The Hills
MOST LIKELY TO BE MIXED-UP MOVIE TITLES: The Good Shepherd and
The Good German
MOST LIKELY TO HAVE BROKEN UP BY THE TIME THIS IS PRINTED: Lindsey Lohan and Harry Morton
MOST WELCOME FIRING: Star Jones-Reynolds
MOST IRONIC FIRING: The Apprentice's Carolyn Kepcher
MOST MIRACULOUSLY STILL ALIVE: The Jackass guys
MOST LIKELY TO GIVE UP ON GIVING UP ON SEX FOR A YEAR: Paris Hilton
MOST LIKELY TO APPEAR ON THE SIDE OF A MILK CART0N: Natasha Lyonne
MOST UNEXPECTED HOOCHIE TRANSFORMATION: Nelly Furtado
MOST WEIRDLY FASCINATING: Big Love
MOST LIKELY TO BECOME THE NEXT JODY FOSTER: Dakota Fanning
MOST LOST: Viewers of Lost
MOST VIEWERS LOST: NBC
MOST HUBRIS: M. Night Shyamalan
MOST CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT: YouTube
MOST IN NEED OF A GOOD SCRIPT: Gwyneth Paltrow
MOST LOCO: Flavor Flav
MOST CHIPPER: Rachel Ray
MOST BANGIN' BEATS: Timbaland
MOST UNEXPECTED SEXUAL EUPHEMISM: "London Bridge"
MOST SOLO POTENTIAL: The Pussycat Dolls' Nicole Scherzinger
MOST UNLIKELY POSSE: Matthew McConaughey, Lance Armstrong and Jake Gyllenhaal
MOST ON THE VERGE: Emily Blunt
MOST GETTING THE LAST LAUGH: Jennifer Hudson

Saturday, November 25, 2006

TOP TEN TOPICS OF CONVERSATION AT MY COUSIN'S HOUSE ON ANY GIVEN HOLIDAY

Top Ten Topics of Conversation at My Cousin's House on Any Given Holiday

10. Whose house this is and how you'll act in it

9. Who put a roof over your head and how you'll behave as long as you're under it

8. Who is not here to win any popularity contests

7. Who is just plain ignorant

6. When this conversation is over

5. What is an argument and what is just a discussion

4. Whether Democrats or Republicans are closeted child-molesting homosexual Communists

3. Who is in charge here

2. How school is going

And the number one topic of conversation at my cousin's house on any given holiday...

1. Who has had more than enough to drink

-Jason Rohrblogger
(11/24/06)

And the alternate...

The weather

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

TOP TEN ACTUAL MENU ITEMS AND THEIR PRICES FROM LUXURY SUITE A-37 AT THE KINGS VS. COYOTES HOCKEY GAME AT STAPLES CENTER ON SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 18TH

Top Ten Actual Menu Items and Their Prices from Luxury Suite A-37 at the Kings vs. Coyotes Hockey Game at Staples Center on Saturday, November 18th 2006 in Los Angeles, California, I Am Not Making This Up

10. SNACK ATTACK - An assortment of great snacks including our snack mix, dry-roasted peanuts, mustard pretzels, cashews and kettle-style potato chips. $38.00

9. CASHEWS - $17.00 per basket

8. FRESHLY POPPED POPCORN - $13.00 per basket

7. SALSA SAMPLER - Crisp tortillas served with three fresh salsas: roasted tomato and chili, salsa fresca and pico de gallo. $38.00

6. SPICY CHICKEN WINGS - Everyone's favorite! Traditional Buffalo-style chicken wings served with blue cheese dressing. $119.50 Serves 10

5. CHILLED SHRIMP COCKTAIL - An American classic! Jumbo shrimp steamed, chilled and served with zesty cocktail and remoulade sauces with fresh cut lemons. $90.00 for 30 pieces

4. *STACKED TOMATOES WITH MOZZARELLA - Vine ripened yellow and red tomatoes layered with fresh mozzarella and basil, drizzled with balsamic reduction. $109.50 Serves 10

3. COSMOPOLITAN PITCHER - Cool, hip, refreshing iced pitcher blend of Ketel One Vodka, Zesty Cointreau and crisp cranberry juice. $55.00

2. BUBBLY - Dom Pérignon, Epernay, France $220.00

And the number one actual menu item and its price from luxury suite A-37 at the Kings vs. Coyotes hockey game at Staples Center on Saturday, November 18th 2006 in Los Angeles, California, I am not making this up....

1. SOFT DRINKS - Pepsi (six-pack) $13.50

-Jason Rohrblogger
(11/18/06)

And the alternate...

Tabasco Sauce - $4.00

*Denotes a Wolfgang Puck Signature Dish

Final score:
Los Angeles Kings: 5
Phoenix Coyotes: 3

Sunday, November 19, 2006

TOP TEN SURPRISES IN O.J. SIMPSON'S NEW BOOK

Top Ten Surprises in O.J. Simpson's New Book

10. Still loves his even-numbered wives

9. It is a tale of rock 'n' roll Babylon; a story of the evil men do told by the men themselves. Armed with eyeliners, guitars, and hypodermic needles, the men of Mötley Crüe got everything they ever wanted and then threw it all away

8. Contains recipes

7. Has an interesting beginning and gripping middle, but no satisfying end in sight

6. Vince Butler did it

5. Really takes the Bush administration to task for lying about the reasons we went to war

4. Killed JonBenet Ramsey, too

3. Really just wants to relax, play golf, and make three more "Naked Gun" movies

2. Heisman Trophy only brought in $25.71 on eBay

And the number one surprise in O.J. Simpson's new book...

1. Knows who the Real Killer is

-Jason Rohrblogger
(11/19/06)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

TOP TEN MISDIAGNOSES

Top Ten Misdiagnoses

10. Eye herpes

9. Conjoined triplets

8. Wear and tear

7. Elephantitis of the trunk

6. Viral video

5. Conjunctionitis

4. Warts and all

3. Lovely lady lumps

2. Hilaritosis

And the number one misdiagnosis...

1. Cancer of the infection

-Jason Rohrblogger
(11/03/06)

And the alternates...

Cool AIDS
Cirrhosis of the earlobe
Billy Ray Virus
Drunk again, naturally

Monday, November 13, 2006

TOP TEN FETISH PORN SITES IN THE YEAR 2090

Top Ten Fetish Porn Sites in the Year 2090

10. Robots Who Take It in the IEEE1394

9. Group Teleport Action

8. BuHockey

7. RILFs

6. Virtual Wife and Kids

5. Vintage Neverland 2004

4. Homegrown Linux Lesbians

3. Hot Senate Page-on-Page Action

2. College Girls Who Do It for Fuel Cells

And the number one fetish porn site in the year 2090...

1. Cylons in Nylons

-Jason Rohrblogger
(11/13/06)

And the alternates...

Brunette Building a Sybian
133t Haxor Pwned by Busty Fembot
Deep Blue Throat
ENIAC Maniacs
Chubby Mature Amateur Hardcore HTML Spread
Set Phasers on Orgasm
Thousands of Horny Asian Cars

Friday, November 10, 2006

SHOUT OUT

Shout Out

bONG over at Binary Cell Division has featured me nicely in one of his posts. Thanks for the blog love, bONG! Singapore roolz!

-Rohrblogger out!

TOP TEN REASONS KEVIN FEDERLINE IS LEAVING BRITNEY SPEARS

Top Ten Reasons Kevin Federline is Leaving Britney Spears

10. Only paid him for one round of sperm donation, not two

9. Hopes she won't find out about his meth-fueled forbidden love with evangelist Ted Haggard

8. Angelina Jolie won't stop calling

7. Even he is sick of his own rapping

6. The way she nags him when he comes home a little late from happy hour on a Friday night after a hard week of backup dancing

5. Thinks he can do better

4. Her cooking is so bad, he had to buy her an oven that flushes

3. Couldn't stay married to a woman who lives in a country where the Democrats have control of the House and Senate

2. She's refusing to upgrade the stereo in his Ferrari from cassette to CD

And the number one reason Kevin Federline is leaving Britney Spears...

1. He misses Shar and the kids

-Jason Rohrblogger
(11/10/06)

Saturday, November 04, 2006

TOP TEN LIES I TELL MYSELF

Top Ten Lies I Tell Myself

10. She will come around

9. The Grand Jury will come around

8. I only watch The Daily Show recreationally. I can quit at any time

7. That's not infected

6. The internet isn't just for porn. It's also a gateway, an information superhighway that blah blah blah

5. The Iraq war is winnable

4. The lottery is winnable

3. I am the car I drive

2. That horoscope was way off

And the number one lie I tell myself...

1. Nobody has had enough of silly love songs, top ten lists, or my blog

-Jason Rohrblogger
(11/04/06)

And the alternates...

The cat likes it when I do that
Disco doesn't suck
My attorney will call any time now
They can't smell that
Saturday Night Live is still funny
That shirt looks good
Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth will make up
I'm not in denial

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

TOP TEN STATES WITH UNUSUAL DRIVING LAWS

Today's list was stolen wholesale from DMV.org

Top Ten States with Unusual Driving Laws

10. Alabama
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street as long as a lantern is attached to the front of your car.
Driving barefoot is illegal.

9. Alaska
It is illegal to tie a dog to the roof of your car.

8. California
It is illegal in San Francisco to buff or dry your car with used underwear.
No unoccupied vehicle may exceed 60 miles per hour.

7. Florida
If an elephant is tied to a parking meter, the owner or attendant must deposit money in the meter.

6. Georgia
State Assembly members are immune from being ticketed for speeding while the State Assembly is in session.
In Marietta, Georgia it is illegal to spit from a moving car or bus, but is okay from a moving truck.

5. Massachusetts
You will be ticketed if you drive with a gorilla in the backseat of your car.

4. Michigan
If you car breaks down in Detroit and you are waiting for assistance, be aware that sitting in the middle of the street to read a newspaper is illegal.

3. Minnesota
It is illegal to cross state lines, regardless if you are walking or driving, with a duck on your head. And, if you're crossing into Wisconsin, the law also applies to chickens.
You cannot ride a motorcycle without a shirt.

2. Montana
In Whitehall, Montana, vehicles are prohibited from driving with ice picks attached to the wheels.

And the number one state with an unusual driving law...

1. Nevada
It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.

And the alternates...

New Jersey
Drivers are required to beep their car horns before passing another vehicle.
If convicted of driving while intoxicated, you permanently lose the option of registering for a vanity license plate.
Ohio
In Oxford, Ohio, authorities will ticket you if you consecutively drive around the town square more than 100 times.
Oklahoma
It is considered illegal to read a comic book while driving.
Oregon
You will be ticketed if you leave your car door open longer than is deemed necessary.
It is illegal to pump your own gas.
Tennessee
It is illegal to fire a gun at any wild game other than whales from a moving car.