TOP TEN SIGNS I AM NOT GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY AT WORK

Top Ten Signs I Am not Going to Make it through the Day at Work

10. It's only 8:30AM and my gallon of gin is bone dry

9. I referred to my boss as "Sugar Tits" ...as I introduced him at the annual shareholder's meeting

8. What happened in Vegas, stayed in Vegas, along with my company car, company checkbook, clothes, and dignity

7. My January 1st, 2034 retirement party has been rescheduled for the break room at noon today

6. Managed to e-mail my "MILFhunter: Mature Accountants Gone Wild" home video to the entire corporate listserv

5. Assistant advised me that my building-access card has been canceled until I remove my "THUG 4 LYFE" forehead tattoo

4. I've been cited as the sole reason that stock in Pepsi has doubled. And I work for Coke. Well, I work for cocaine, anyway...

3. I blew chow for an hour in the bathroom at work

2. Chow is our new Sushi chef

And the number one sign I'm not going to make it through the day at work...

1. Wearing only a smile, I greeted my new intern with "Does my prostate feel swollen to you?"

-Jason Rohrblogger
(07/18/07)

And the alternates...

I demanded the new Safety Committee be staffed only by hairless Guatemalan boys

I've released Paris Hilton early, sprung Lindsey Lohan from rehab, pardoned Scooter Libby, and invaded Iraq

The FBI finally figured out my secret identity as Peligro! Masked Swordsman of the People!