TOP TEN SURPRISES IN THE NEW HEALTH CARE BILL

Top Ten Surprises in the New Health Care Bill

10. Third bypass is free

9. Death Panels will meet on Thursdays at midnight during a full moon

8. Only drugs covered are the pills you can pry from Rush Limbaugh's cold, dead fingers

7. Mammogram sponsored by Victoria's Secret

6. $25,000 hammer? $40,000 toilet seat? Say hello to the $50,000 lolly pop.

5. All second opinions by Dr. Laura

4. Tongue depressors taste suspiciously like Popsicle

3. Before you light a cigarette, Dick Cheney will preemptively invade your lungs

2. Prostate exam is five bucks, same as downtown

And the number one surprise in the new health care bill...

1. Nursing homes now feature all-you-can eat Jell-O

-Jason Rohrblogger
(9/18/09)