TOP TEN SIGNS YOU WORK IN ABU GHRAIB PRISON

Top Ten Signs You Work in Abu Ghraib Prison

10. Your diplomatic pouch holds a list of questions, a riding crop, and fishnet stockings.

9. You teach inmates dance steps like the Lynndie Hop.

8. You threaten recalcitrant terrorists with a rubber hose and panty hose.

7. Time in the interrogation room costs $1.99 a minute.

6. Your turn-ons are mustaches, honesty, and long walks on Guantanamo Bay.

5. Charges include rape, murder, and terrorist threats. And that's just the staff.

4. Your persuasion methods are Chinese water torture, Russian roulette, and Brazilian wax.

3. Your commanding officer gives you a direct order to "Bring out the Gimp."

2. You anger the entire Muslim world by replacing the fine coffee normally served with Folger's Crystals.

And the number one sign you work in Abu Ghraib Prison...

1. The photos of your office Christmas party have all the best parts digitally blurred.

-Jason Rohrblogger and Ken Blogerts
(05/28/04)