TOP TEN SURPRISES IN THE NEW STAR WARS PREQUEL

Top Ten Surprises In The New Star Wars Prequel

10. In a fit of rage, Obi-Wan Kenobi threatens to make Darth Vader his bitch

9. Interplanetary rivalry characterized by fly-by shootings

8. Chewbacca isn't just a member of the Hair Club for Wookiee's, he's also the president

7. Wearing leather and chains, Yoda helps his live-in disciple, a talking Chihuahua, "feel the force"

6. Boba Fett admits that after a long day of bounty hunting, he just wants to be held

5. Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa played by the Olsen twins.

4. Anakin Skywalker is led to the Dark Side by Evil Lord of the Sith, Bylgates ken-Starr

3. An under-rated rag-tag band of plucky rebels, though hopelessly outgunned and exponentially outnumbered, manage to gather enough grit and courage for a one-in-a-million surgical blow to the vastly superior enemy and--get this--pull a spectacular victory out of the jaws of certain defeat anyway

2. In order to pay for the exhorbitant special effects, ticket prices will be raised to $39.95

And the number one surprise in the new Star Wars Prequel...

1. The Emperor has new clothes

-Jason Rohrblogger
(11/12/98)

And the alternates...

Darth Vader is also Chewbacca's father
Jabba the Hutt admits he has a weight problem because he was teased as a child
Jar Jar Binks finishes up his doctorate in cultural studies
Grand Moff Tarkin exposed as neither grand nor moff
Mace Windu quotes a long bible verse before blowing away his enemies
Yoda uses the Force to scare those damn kids off his lawn