TOP TEN SECRET DUTIES OF THE MAYOR OF DISNEYWORLD

Note: As part of its charter with the State of Florida, Disneyworld is it's own city with it's own zip code, sales tax, city council, zoning board, police/fire, and of course, mayor.

Top Ten Secret Duties of the Mayor of Disneyworld

10. Stomp around the Country Bear Jamboree, Dirty Harry-style, shouting, "Who's in charge here?!"

9. After Mr. Toad's wild ride, pay hush money to Toon Town Coroner.

8. Protect Chip 'n Dale from screaming women trying to put dollars down their shorts.

7. Pull Excalibur from the stone. Plunge it into Mayor McCheese's soft, fluffy white buns.

6. Quietly accommodate Gepetto's fetish for hairless wooden boys.

5. Call in Sheriff of Nottingham. Explain to him that he is off the case. He is out of his jurisdiction. Make clear that he is a renegade-with-a-badge and the Sherwood Forest Sheriff's Department will not tolerate his dangerous, loose-cannon, ways.

4. Discreetly have prostitutes from Pirates of the Caribbean delivered to the Hall of Presidents after closing.

3. Stem the tide of illegal traffic in fairy dust.

2. Send in union busting goons to keep the Seven Dwarves in the field pickin' cotton candy.

And the number one secret duty of the Mayor of Disneyworld...

1. Rig election so brother, Elmer Fudd, can get into the White House.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(09/20/01)