TOP TEN SYMBOLS IN JASON'S DREAMS

Top Ten Symbols In Jason's Dreams

10. Elizabeth Dole wearing only pasta

9. A dirty syringe filled with cream soda

8. Snakes that don't bite, unless you are a mime that plays the accordian

7. Teenage lawyers, with great hair, and bad attitudes about the law

6. A smoking gun that stays crispy in milk

5. Fast cars painted the color zero

4. A slam dunk contest starring Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Tony Dow as the Beaver

3. A really bendy rocket that flies backwards

2. Arnold Schwarzenegger with flowers in his hair

And the number one symbol in Jason's dreams...

1. A long iron clad train that always runs late and stays in the tunnel too long

-Jason Rohrblogger
(01/21/99)

JASON MAKES CELEBRITY SMACK AGAIN!

Jason Makes Celebrity Smack AGAIN!

I was at the Ontario Improv last Saturday night and hung out with my buddy, Joey Medina, host of 96.3's Morning Invasion, and Christopher "Kid" Reid from Kid 'n Play. And my pictures totally made the Celebrity Smack gossip blog!

Thanks for the blog love Spicy Pants. You rock!

-Rohrblogger

TOP TEN PICK-UP LINES IN WYOMING

Top Ten Pick-up Lines in Wyoming

10. Hey, baby, nice tooth

9. What's a dumpy girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

8. My horse trailer or yours?

7. Git nekkid and git in the back of the truck

6. You remind me of my sister. And I LOVE my sister.

5. I bet my criminal record is longer than your criminal record

4. Don't worry, we shot the horse that did this to me

3. I'm from Laramie. That's right, the big city

2. I didn't know you could pierce that

And the number one pick-up line in Wyoming...

1. I bet I could stay on you for at least eight seconds

-Jason Rohrblogger
(07/06/95)

TOP TEN BRITNEY SPEARS PET PEEVES

Top Ten Britney Spears Pet Peeves

10. Hair

9. Hair: The Musical

8. Rehab

7. Telephoto lenses

6. Clothes

5. Emily Post's Etiquette for Dummies

4. The way Courtney Love is out of control in the press

3. Marriages that last longer than the honeymoon

2. Moms who think they are smarter than you when they are not!

And the number one Britney Spears pet peeve...

1. Soap

-Jason Rohrblogger
(02/07/05)

And the alternates...

Husband's babymamma
Sobriety
The way a backup dancer tastes after a half a pack of cigarettes and three beers
Attorneys who scare off all of the hotties
People with more than 12 items in the Express Lane
Sluts like Lindsey Lohan who set the women's movement back 50 years
The way "Crossroads" was snubbed at the Oscars
Hickey concealer

TOP TEN NEWSPAPER HEADLINES ANNOUNCING NEW YORK'S NEW SUBWAY-THEMED CONDOMS

Note: Bourbon Cowboy challenged his readers to come up with:

Top Ten Newspaper Headlines Announcing New York's New Subway-Themed Condoms

10. Pro- or Anti- Phylactic?

9. Get Off at Latexington

8. Subway Berth Control

7. City Condones Condoms

6. Commuters Shove to Get Love Glove

5. Protection on the F-Train

4. Great Barrier Relief

3. Take the New York Subway to the London Bridge

2. Condoms No Longer Condemned

And the number one newspaper headline announcing New York's new subway-themed condoms...

1. Man-Jimmy-Hat-Tan

-Jason Rohrblogger
(02/16/07)

And the alternates...

Coming on the Subway? Either Way They've Got You Covered
City Enforces Condom-Minimums
The Only Way to Go Down(town)
Because Abstinence Sucks
Upgown Express
A Token for the Love Tunnel
Municipal Solution for Hard Problem

JASON'S TOP TEN VALENTINE'S MESSAGES ON CANDY HEARTS

Jason's Top Ten Valentine's Messages on Candy Hearts

10. Peaked at 24

9. R U My Mommy?

8. Clingy

7. I Miss My X

6. B My Courtney Luv

5. Bottom or Top?

4. MT Head

3. Master of My Domain

2. Stalk U

And Jason's number one Valentine's message on candy hearts...

1. P.S. I Luv Me

-Jason Rohrblogger
(02/13/05)

And the alternates...

UC My Blog?
Meet the Stalker
Pillow Biter
Barry White 2Nite
Cnjgl Vst?
Spank Me
Mighty Hermaphrodite

TOP TEN THINGS MY FATHER TAUGHT ME

Top Ten Things My Father Taught Me

10. How to lie to the cops

9. Sunday is for football

8. What a woman really means when she says _____.

7. How to ride a bike

6. Ways to smoke ceremonial eucalyptus

5. How to change a faucet

4. How to shoot stuff

3. How to mow the lawn

2. How to drive offensively

And the number one thing my father taught me...

1. Where to hide the money

-Jason Rohrblogger
(02/12/07)

And the alternate...

How to piss off everyone

TOP TEN THINGS FOUND INSIDE ANNA NICOLE SMITH AT HER AUTOPSY

Top Ten Things Found Inside Anna Nicole Smith at Her Autopsy

10. Hoodia

9. Drano

8. Hugh Hefner

7. Fully articulated liver

6. Heart of gold

5. A number three with onion rings and a Diet Coke

4. Her inner child

3. Guess? Genes

2. ThickSpa

And the number one thing found inside Anna Nicole Smith at her autopsy...

1. A fetus snorting cocaine

-Jason Rohrblogger
(02/09/07)

TOP TEN REJECTED JOHN GRISHAM NOVELS

Top Ten Rejected John Grisham Novels

10. The Gayliff

9. The File

8. The Fingerer

7. Undercover Angel, Midnight Fantasy

6. The Snitch

5. Prisoner of Passionate Surrender

4. Under the Bench

3. The Legal Procedure

2. Habeas Corpus Christi

And the number one rejected John Grisham novel...

1. A Time to Kill the Firm's Client Runaway Jury Partner's Pelican Brief

-Jason Rohrblogger
(02/06/07)

And he alternate...

Pre Bono

TOP TEN REJECTED TOP TEN LISTS

Top Ten Rejected Top Ten Lists

10. Top Ten Disposable Body Parts

9. Top Ten Other Nicknames For Sammy "The Bull" Gravano

8. Top Ten Diseases Of The Lung

7. Top Ten Things Found In Andy Rooney's Pants

6. Top Ten Made-Up Words Only Jason Thinks Is Funny

5. Top Ten Ways To Skin A Cat

4. Top Ten Supreme Court Turn-Ons

3. Top Ten Mesozoic Discoveries In The Algonquin Valley

2. Top Ten Things Pumped Out Of Rod Stewart's Stomach

And the number one rejected top ten list...

1. Top Ten Self-Referential Jokes Whose Premise Was Stolen From David Letterman Anyway

-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/20/97)