TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE NOT DIGESTING YOUR FOOD

Top Ten Signs You Are Not Digesting Your Food

10. Your tape worm is longer than an Oliver Stone movie

9. Nicole Richie calls you Olive Oyl

8. You inject IV Pepto Bismol

7. You spend more time in the bathroom than Paris Hilton

6. Your boss is no longer the only sphincter causing you trouble

5. You MicroSize your meal at McDonald's

4. You name your spastic bowel Colon Feral

3. That's a pickle in his pocket but you're not glad to see him

2. You replace the fine nutrients normally absorbed with Folger's Crystals to see if anyone notices

And the number one sign you are not digesting your food...

1. After swallowing, you return your food to the store for a full refund

-Jason Rohrblogger
(08/03/07)

And the alternate...

Your doctor sends you back to alimentary school to read "The Iliac and the Colonoscopy"