TOP TEN ITEMS REMOVED FROM JASON'S RÉSUMÉ

Top Ten Items Removed from Jason's Résumé

10. Objective: Hostile takeover

9. (April 1983 - September 1985) Whipping Boy

8. Special Skills: Can drink a pint of beer in one swallow, up to seven times, before having to boot and rally

7. (October 1986 - May 1989) Lickspittle

6. Relevant Experience: Arrested three times, but never convicted

5. (January 1991 - December 1993) Senate Page

4. Awards and Honors: Second Runner-up "Rainbow Ballerina of the Month" Miss Crystal's Fourth Ave Danceteria (April 1988)

3. (March 1994 - July 2005) Assistant Crack Whore

2. Passive-aggressive team player

And the number one item removed from Jason's résumé...

1. (November 2007 - Present) Fluffer

-Jason Rohrblogger
(03/26/08)

And the alternates:

(March 2008) Finally off the junk
Education: Bachelor of Kicking Ass and Taking Names from the University of tha Street
(August 1981 - February 1983) Love Doctor
Professional references available from your momma
(July 1980 - August 1980) Lackey
Hobbies and interests: Weight loss through drug and alcohol addiction
(March 1969) Born poor, angry Muslim child