TOP TEN JASON EXCUSES FOR NOT WRITING A NEW TOP TEN LIST

Top Ten Jason Excuses for Not Writing a New Top Ten List

10. His god ate it

9. Would take WAY more than ten entries to describe how awesome Condoleeza Rice is

8. This internet porn isn't going to look at itself

7. Just read self-help tome "Top Ten Writers Who Love Too Much."

6. Parole board didn't exactly see things Jason's way

5. Believes he can fly, believes he can touch the sky

4. Just trying to score enough heroin to get well, not enough to get high

3. Didn't think his writing could compare to the standard internet brilliance

2. Was too busy replacing the fine coffee normally served with Folger's Crystals

And the number one Jason excuse for not writing a new Top Ten List...

1. Too distracted by the krypton-like effect of HotMegan69's powerful intellect and incisive political analysis

-Jason Rohrblogger
(02/06/05)

And the alternates...

Doesn't speak HTML
Was too busy yelling "My name is Rohrblogger, ROHRBLOGGER!" to the intake nurse
First wanted to complete short-subject paper entitled, "The Complete History of the Judeo-Christian-Muslim Conflict"
Putting final touches on Jason-the-Hutt costume for TopTenCon '05
A little piece of him died with Reagan that day
Ran out of Total, had to eat twelve bowls of Raisin Bran
Doesn't feel pretty
Outsourced all list-writing to Halliburton
Addicted to precious, life-giving sleep
Still emitting the subtle scent of tequila and Nyquil
Likes Ebert, but really misses Siskel
Finally got to the 10th Level of Cthulu
Judge imposed gag order in Top Ten trial
Was obsessively stalking that internet temptress, Mailer Daemon
Didn't pay protection money to blog mob
Spent emotional night in hospital holding Pope's hand
Had to covertly bury comrades in godforsaken jungle