TOP TEN SHOCKING REVELATIONS IN RONALD MCDONALD'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY

Top Ten Shocking Revelations in Ronald McDonald's Autobiography

10. Secretly shared case of make-up with Tammy Faye Bakker at Studio 54 back in '78

9. Was shamed out of clown college in freshman year with a 1.7 GPA

8. "Billions and Billions Sold" count off by 1,278,466

7. That ain't ketchup

6. Hotcakes breakfast really only sells like regular pancakes

5. Lee Harvey Oswald was actually gunning for Mayor McCheese

4. Thick Shake resists viscosity and thermal breakdown and can be used as heavy industrial lubricant in a pinch

3. Once killed a man in a barfight over portion control

2. Colonel Sanders had wooden teeth

And the number one shocking revelation in Ronald McDonald's autobiography...

1. Hamburgler and Grimace are "longtime companions"

-Jason Rohrblogger
(01/20/96)