Wednesday, August 31, 2005


Head over to the official website - to see what it’s all about! In brief: For one long moment on August 31st, bloggers from all over the world will post recommendations of 5 new Blogs. On this day, blog surfers will find themselves leaping around and discovering new, unknown blogs, and celebrating the discovery of new people.

In keeping with my theme, here are my Top Ten Fave Blogs of All Time. Hopefully, through my participation in this event, I’ll drive traffic from around the world. Especially since this Blog Day thing seems to have picked up momentum in Europe and is going largely unnoticed in the US… Spread the word!

10. The Onion - Not a Blog Per Se but Updated Weekly with the Funny

9. Daily Probe - The Daily Probe is Neither, Just More of the Internet Funny

8. The Complimenting Commenter - Such a Nice Boy!

7. Weblog Wannabe - Links, Great Template, Best Use of Verdana on the Web

6. Lord of the Crumbs - Memories and Commentary from an East Coast Raconteur

5. Tales Wagging the Blog - A Verbal Evisceration of Whatever is in the News

4. Celebrity Smack - A Visual Evisceration of Whoever is in the News

3. Dirty Talking Girl - Porno Blog Written by a Married British Woman in Her 50's! (I am not making this up)

2. Atomic Bomshell - Great Graphics, Awesome Observations, and Prolific Posts

And Jason Rohrblogger's number one Blog Day pick...

1. Patience is a Virtue - A Midwestern Woman Adopts a Child and, Yes, it's Hysterical!

-Jason Rohrblogger

Monday, August 29, 2005


Top Ten Reasons Robert and Sara are Getting Married

10. He's pregnant

9. Looking for any excuse to play The Carpenter's "We've Only Just Begun"

8. Trying to prove they're not gay

7. He agreed to test their vows on the road before using them in competition

6. Needed a spice rack, bread maker, and mixing bowl

5. Life is a fragile journey made stronger by the bond shared between two people together facing blah, blah, blah...

4. She finally renounced her High Dark Master Satan and accepted Robert as her personal Lord and Savior

3. Married? Thought they were in line for the Matterhorn.

2. He refused to indulge her sad-clown fetish out of wedlock

And the number one reason Robert and Sara are getting married...

1. Doing it for the sake of the cats

-Jason Rohrblogger

Friday, August 26, 2005


Top Ten Changes if Jason Ran the Special Forces

10. Cyanide pills delivered in a Hitler-shaped Pez Dispenser.

9. Six week advanced training missions to the Playboy Mansion.

8. Lightning fast two- and three-man commando teams sent to search and destroy Richard Simmons

7. Navy SEALs issued tactical surfboards. ("Because Charlie don't surf.")

6. Berets replaced with a saucy green scarf for Fall.

5. New recruits subjected to a rigorous Pespi Challenge.

4. All shock troops issued combat cologne, "Guerilla," so they can always smell like "napalm in the morning."

3. Blemish concealing hypoallergenic warpaint SPF10 with collagen.

2. Survival knife equipped with secret compartment containing emergency double cheeseburger with grilled onions, no pickle.

And the number one change if Jason ran the Special Forces...

1. All radio transmissions encrypted in Ebonics.*

-Jason Rohrblogger

*This is Grandmaster Sgt. Flash keepin' it real in the HQ crib with all the rearward, gearward honeyz. I'm sendin' out mad props to my peeps in the Opizational Hizone. Fab 5 Freddy you are clear for Operation Run DMZ. You may flava the Sugar Hill position and drop the mad funk on all nonfriendly, whack MCs. I also got big ups for my base thumpin' arty crewz. All y'all get your gat lit for a Bin Laden hit. We are camel fabulous in the tree line, repeat, turban disturbin' in the tree line. Love, sex, and paychecks. Peaceout yo, over.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005


Thanks for the game Jenn! If you would like me to interview you, the rules are posted at Zeek's place- just put "interview me" in the comments section. Here are Jenn's "Interview Me" questions:

1) Who is your favorite animated character in a full length movie (Disney, Pixar, etc)?

-Flounder, Ariel's sidekick fish in "The Little Mermaid."

2) Boxers or briefs?

-Loincloths for work, pantyhose on the weekend...

3) How old were you when you figured out what sex actually was?

- 36½

4) If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be?


5) Where would you rather be right now? Mexico, Hawaii, Europe, or Africa? Or somewhere else?

-Indonesia: Sun, surf, and Islam. What could be better?

-Jason Rohrblogger

Saturday, August 20, 2005


Note: As part of its charter with the State of Florida, Disneyworld is it's own city with it's own zip code, sales tax, city council, zoning board, police/fire, and of course, mayor.

Top Ten Secret Duties of the Mayor of Disneyworld

10. Stomp around the Country Bear Jamboree, Dirty Harry-style, shouting, "Who's in charge here?!"

9. After Mr. Toad's wild ride, pay hush money to Toon Town Coroner.

8. Protect Chip 'n Dale from screaming women trying to put dollars down their shorts.

7. Pull Excalibur from the stone. Plunge it into Mayor McCheese's soft, fluffy white buns.

6. Quietly accommodate Gepetto's fetish for hairless wooden boys.

5. Call in Sheriff of Nottingham. Explain to him that he is off the case. He is out of his jurisdiction. Make clear that he is a renegade-with-a-badge and the Sherwood Forest Sheriff's Department will not tolerate his dangerous, loose-cannon, ways.

4. Discreetly have prostitutes from Pirates of the Caribbean delivered to the Hall of Presidents after closing.

3. Stem the tide of illegal traffic in fairy dust.

2. Send in union busting goons to keep the Seven Dwarves in the field pickin' cotton candy.

And the number one secret duty of the Mayor of Disneyworld...

1. Rig election so brother, Elmer Fudd, can get into the White House.

-Jason Rohrblogger

Wednesday, August 17, 2005


Top Ten Israeli Concessions to the Palestinians

10. Reclaim two holy sites, get one free.

9. On joint Israeli/Palestinian bowling teams, the Israelis will provide the beer and the Palestinians will provide the pretzels.

8. Israeli forces will stop shooting terrorists if they say the "phrase that pays."

7. If an Israeli suicide bomber and a Palestinian suicide bomber come to a four way stop simultaneously, the one to the right will go first.

6. Israelis will remove "Allah sucks" bumperstickers from all tanks BEFORE they flatten Palestinian homes and schools.

5. Secret Police torture sessions will no longer include the Macarena.

4. Gideons will be allowed to place the Koran in 30% of Tel-Aviv hotel rooms.

3. By 2006 all Israeli Coke machines must accept sheckels AND dinari.

2. Ramadan and Hannukkah combined into one holiday: Ramiken, the festival of containment.

And the number one Israeli concession to the Palestinians...

1. Israelis will close tacky topless bar in disputed territory, "the Gaza Strip."

-Jason Rohrblogger

Sunday, August 14, 2005


Top Ten Rejected Commandments...

10. Thou shalt do a little dance, make a little love, verily thou shalt get down tonight.

9. Remember this day, The Super Bowl Sunday, and keep it Holy for I am the Lord thy God.

8. Do unto others until you have had enough. Then do a little more.

7. Honor thy Visa and thy Mastercard.

6. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy intern.

5. Thou shalt not commit adultery with an ugly chick.

4. Love thy neighbor as ye love thyself. However, thou shalt not love thyself too often lest ye go blind.

3. Thou shalt beat no joke into the ground.

2. Thou shalt not worship any Spice Girl before Me. For they are false idols: false in tongue, false in eyelash, and false in breast.

And the number one rejected Commandment...

1. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ass.

-Jason Rohrblogger

Tuesday, August 09, 2005


Top Ten Titles Of Jason's Autobiography

10. Laughter In My Pants: A life told from the point of view of a comedian's trousers.

9. How To Avoid Success and Really Shine

8. I Never Met a Car I Didn't Wreck

7. The Alcoholic Plumber's Son

6. Everything I Ever Wanted To Know I Learned From Watching TV

5. Lose Weight the Drug and Alcohol Addiction Way!

4. Coping Through Blaming Others

3. What's My Social Security Number Again?: One Man's Search For Identity

2. Exodus in Excelsis Deo

And the number one title of Jason's autobiography...

1. Bachelors in the Mist

-Jason Rohrblogger

Saturday, August 06, 2005


Top Ten Surprises in Clinton's Autobiography

10. Once killed a man in a barfight over health care reform

9. Used the Special Forces to liberate a six pack of Natty Light from 7-11

8. Liked Siskel, loathes Ebert

7. He inhaled. Profusely.

6. When he confronted Chelsea about her childish support for Schedule 24(c) non-profit tax exemptions and she shouted "I learned it from watching you!"

5. The time he drunk dialed Newt Gingrich and invited him to "impeach this."

4. Has a covert lair deep in the Ozarks called the Fortress of Pulchritude

3. Never bothered tipping the Dominos guy after the second election

2. Secretly replaced the Constitution with Folger's Crystals to see if anyone would notice

And the number one surprise in Clinton's autobiography...

1. He can't remember where he left is lighter, either.

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

He benches 350 and squat presses 410
Can drink 2 liters of Mountain Dew in 1 minute 8 seconds
Was passed over for the role of Joe Dirt when producers found out he had a degree from Oxford University
Is fluent in both Jive and Ebonics
Briefly dated Helen Gurley Brown in 1964
Fave book: Leaves of Grass Fave Movie: Point Break
Second worst decision: that third Big Mac before boarding Air Force One
At the end of the day, feels Kenneth Starr is a professional investigator with the highest ethical standards
Had to pay hush money when Buddy the dog got Tipper Gore's bitch pregnant
Comes from a solid background of cornbread and privilege
His big admission to Playboy magazine that he has "lusted in my heart" for other women

Wednesday, August 03, 2005


Top Ten Rejected Monster Truck Names

10. The Vomit Comet

9. Family Wagon of Doom

8. The Bible Thumper

7. Pablum Topfuel Chiffon Creampuff Dream

6. Shakespeare Express

5. Granny Saurus Wrecks

4. Redneck Casket

3. The Bowel Mover

2. Ku Trux Klan

And the number one rejected monster truck name...

1. The Mighty Small Penis Compensator

-Jason Rohrblogger