TOP TEN REJECTED OPENING LINES FROM JASON'S NOVEL

Top Ten Rejected Opening Lines from Jason's Novel

10. "Princess Leia signaled her desire by reclining near the Orgasmatron; 'Help me, Jason Rohrblogger,' she murmured, 'you're my only hope.'"

9. "It was the best of blogs, it was the worst of blogs."

8. "Rigor mortis hadn't set in yet, like Viagra taking hold of an ancient wilted magnolia, but that was sure to change before prom was over in six hours."

7. "It was a time for heroes: when boys became men and men became women."

6. "Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin', but we were stayin' alive, stayin' alive."

5. "Call me Oatmeal."

4. "The canopy was thick like Mama Cass. The swamp mud-sucked my boots, while mosquitoes blood-sucked the trigger finger on my M-16A1. Charley was breathing down my neck. It felt like the hot-breath of death after death had been eating anchovies. A nameless gut instinct to survive turned me around. 'Quit breathing on me, Charley,' I demanded, 'and have a mint.'"

3. "I like big butts, and I cannot lie."

2. "From all your furthest bounds, pour ye now in, ye bold billows of my whole foregone life, and top this one piled comber of my death!"

And the number one rejected opening line from Jason's novel...

1. "Show Daddy on the blog where Jason touched you."

-Jason Rohrblogger
(03/25/06)

And the alternate...

"I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet blog posts that last three days."