TOP TEN OSAMA BIN LADEN CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS

Top Ten Osama bin Laden Christmas Traditions

10. No oil in Afghanistan, but lumps and lumps of coal

9. Hijacking the angel and flying her into the side of the tree

8. Making it onto Santa's naughty list thirty years running

7. Knitting goat hair cell-cozies for Guantánamo Bay

6. Always waiting until the last minute on Christmas Eve to put Little Omar's surface-to-air missile together

5. Recruiting martyrs on the Island of Misfit Goyim

4. Letting the kids pull the pin on ONE grenade on Christmas Eve

3. Getting wasted at the al Qaeda office party and eating a bacon double cheeseburger with Goldstein from accounting

2. Joy of dispatching C4-laden Grinch to Whoville

And the number one bin Laden Christmas tradition...

1. On the Twelfth Day of Christmas my true love(s) sent to me:
Twelve more months of hiding
Eleven bombers bombing
Ten mullahs mulling
Nine sheikhs a-shaking
Eight spooks a-snooping
Seven-ty virgins waiting
Six planes a-flying
Five I-E-D's
Four waterboards
Three henchmen
Two Karl Roves
And a cartridge in an A-K

-Jason Rohrblogger
(12/5/08)

And the alternates...

Holiday-themed perimeter passwords
The way the whole cave smells like scorched turkey
Who put the ram in the Ram-a-dan, who put the God in the No-God-but-God and Muhammed is His Prophet?