TOP TEN ACTIVITES TO PREPARE FOR SKI SEASON

Top Ten Activities to Prepare for Ski Season

10. Visit your local butcher and pay thirty dollars to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half hour, then burn two fifty dollar bills to warm up

9. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use

8. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night

7. Begin wearing your glasses with glue smeared on the lenses

6. Throw away a hundred-dollar bill now

5. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice twenty times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.

4. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes

3. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away

2. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed

And the number one activity to prepare for ski season...

1. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $11.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(2/6/09)

And the alternates...

Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face

Drive slowly for five hours, anywhere, as long as it is in a snowstorm and you are following an 18-wheeler

Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.

Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom

Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.

Get in a hot tub despite your injuries, drink beer into oblivion, and "relax."

Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it is time for the real thing