TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR PET CHIMPANZEE HAS GONE BAD

Top Ten Signs your Pet Chimpanzee has Gone Bad

10. Orders red wine with fish

9. Poses for the cover of "Chimps Gone Wild II: Primates in Paradise"

8. Bogarts the joint

7. Dismisses "The Real Housewives of New York" with a wave of his prehensile hand

6. Back tattoo

5. Admits his derivatives-based investment fund was just a huge Ponzi scheme

4. Closet smoker

3. Writes acerbic play "Primates and Prejudice"

2. Votes Republican

And the number one sign your pet chimpanzee has gone bad...

1. Refers to Jane Goodall as "That ignorant monkey slut"

-Jason Rohrblogger
(2/22/09)

And the alternates...

Makes it put the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the hose again

Refuses to resign governor seat until impeached by the state senate

Won't quit wearing a faux-hawk