TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'VE HIRED THE WRONG FERTILITY SPECIALIST

Top Ten Signs You've Hired the Wrong Fertility Specialist

10. Implants eight kids, four hound dogs, and a piggy we stole from the shed

9. Prescribes manure and liquid nitrates

8. Dims the lights then offers to naturally inseminate you

7. For an extra fifty, will guarantee a boy, girl, or hermaphrodite

6. States your sperm count is off by three and she won't stop until she finds them

5. Accepts food stamps

4. All of your children look suspiciously like him

3. Asks if you're getting enough foreplay

2. Insists you meet the sperm donor and shake his hand

And the number one sign you've hired the wrong fertility specialist...

1. Puts all of your eggs in one basket

-Jason Rohrblogger
(2/15/09)

And the alternates...

Demands you name the zygote "Zyggy Stardust"

Can't remember which test tubes are filled with Jell-O shots, and which ones are in vitro

Awkwardly diagnoses that you can't get pregnant because your husband is gay and you are addicted to painkillers

Nickname in medical school was "Dr. Feelgood, at your cervix"

Swears dollar margarita night at Chuy's caused her four children

Advises you are only fourteen babies away from your own reality show and book deal

Has already gone to seed