TOP TEN WAYS I AM DOWNSIZING IN THIS ECONOMY

Top Ten Ways I am Downsizing in this Economy

10. Caviar and champale

9. No longer wear designer tattoos

8. Generic heroin

7. Moved from 10,000 square-foot mansion into 10,000 square-foot mobile home

6. Stopped wearing Magnum condoms

5. Stewards on my private jet no longer serve bottled water

4. Also buying used men's underwear on eBay

3. Vacationing in Darfur this season

2. Replacing fine coffee normally served with Folger's Crystals

And the number one way I am downsizing in this economy...

1. Each mistress must make do with only one Jaguar. Hybrid.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(5/09/09)

And the alternates...

Limited to dipping every other chicken wing in ranch dressing
Big-screen TV on my yacht gets basic cable
Natty Light
Only requesting songs on two-fer Tuesday
Gold plating on hall toilet merely 5mm thick
No more filters on my cigarettes
Triangular zirconia
Selling one girl-child to the producers of "Slumdog Millionaire"
Traded in framed Jackson Pollock for a bunch of spilled paint
Whenever I buy one, I always ask for one free
Fleet of Hummers fueled with leftover margarita mix
Less bling