TOP TEN WIFE ONE-LINERS

Top Ten Wife One-liners

10. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-David Bissonette

9. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
-Sacha Guitry

8. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-Socrates

7. Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
-Alexandre Dumas

6. The great question, which I have not been able to answer is, "What does a woman want?"
-Voltaire

5. I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-Sigmund Freud

4. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
-Henny Youngman

3. I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.
-James Holt McGavra

2. Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
A) Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
B) Whenever you're right, shut up.
-Patrick Murra

And the number one wife one-liner...

1. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
-Ogden Nash

-Jason Rohrblogger
(5/6/09)

And the alternates...

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Randall Milton Hoff

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds, "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing, "You can have mine."
-Sidney Acera

First Guy (proudly): My wife's an angel!
Second Guy: You're lucky, mine's still alive.
-Roger S. Canter

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
-Sam Kinison